So had lovely trip to longleat today. Well all was going well been seen all the small animals. Once we saw butterfly bats rabbits meerkats little monkeys. Went on the boat ride and saw mainly sealions but also hippos and monkeys. Once we done this it was time to go and see my oldest sons favourite animal. The children were so existed to go throw the walk throw so was I amitedly. We waited are turn and it soon came time for us to walk throw. Well we went in and started moving then soon like the movie the birds but not as bad the were penguins all around my chair even under it. The handler was doing everything to get them.to move it was funny really. One under my seat not willing to come out not matter whAt the handler did. Ones trying to eat my boots. And they would not movie for ages the poor handler did everything he could think of to move this stubborn penguin more so the one under my chair that was hissing at others and nipping at them. He wanted it to be his house. I’m so grateful that he was trying his best and not being snappy with my son’s whom tried to help with the views on what to do. Even thou really there help was not helpful. Longest staff really stepped up yesturday. Because of were they all where only photos I could get photos when most moved on. Made my oldest sons day sadly my boots have not made it and can’t afford new ones.
You lived under my heart for a short time as you grew so did my love for you. I tried my best to keep.you safe under my heart little one. It breaks my heart that I was not strong enough if you could of stayed there for one more month or just a week. I hold your tiny hand as you slept you curl your fingers around one of mine. The beeping and pings all around you confessing and scary . People walking pass us nurse and doctors even cleaners with the look of pity in there eyes.
Do they know some thing I don’t are they expressing my worse fear. Is it about to come true are you going so young not meant for this world yet. I look at you and all I see is perfection. The tubes and wires mean nothing to me but the world sees what I don’t. I see my little one so strong fighting to be with mummy everyday. I hope you can stay my love for you I hope gives you strength to fight on. The day finely came where I can hold you not just your hand but you. Your soft skin so red and deep blue eyes Dark hair. And I try band take in every little inch of you incase it’s a while before I can again. I wonder when if ever you be home with me. Everyday when I go near door of where you are I wonder if the buzzing emergency alarm is for you fear stops me opening the door. I open the door to see that you are being moved form the safe little home you had sealed from the outside and now your strong enough to meet the outside world when you awaken everyday . Maybe soon your be able to meet the Sun. Meet the Many people waiting to meet You. So many of your friends will never meet there family. Its hard to be so happy knowing another family is so sad. So lost a hole in there family never to be filled. When the day arrived that you came home I held you so close when we got home never wanting to let you go . Never wanting to feel you out my arms again.
People do go on about how we are cut of from each because of facebook social media. Well I want to point out ppent of people I know of who have reunited with family long lost and forgotten. I had never meet some of my dad’s family I always wanted to always dreamed of having a bond with them but never had it. Now I have contact with most of my dad’s family and now if I need to talk to someone and really need a chat I know I can message one of. Them as they live far away. Social media has brought us together
Friends that I lost touch with because of one reason or another I’ve been able to meet again . It has its down side with the moaning and sniping back stabbing bullying. When used correctly social media can aid many. The real downside has been when bullying has gone beyond the point of just hurting and effecting the person mentally
Now that Christmas day has past I look towards 2016. But with looking forwards comes looking back. And with looking back I’m made to remember those that were here and sadly no longer with us. There have been many that have made an impact on my life in.many ways and always will. One little boy who.had a very hard start in life and was still very small made huge impact in my life and still today I think of him. He left huge footprints on many people’s hearts now and forever. And friend of mines mum she took death in her stride faced death like it was an old friend even thou really she wanted to stay she gracefully peacefully said her good byes made peace with the world. But in life she was the same she made every challenge look so easy. She made being a,nan and grandparent seem easy. She helped me so much with my oldest and any time my mum was not there and I needed advice she was there. And then there was another 2 friends mums that have past. Both lady’s were amazing mums and grans just over all good people I hope I could be as good a person as them and my mum. My point being is when we look forward don’t to first look back at where we have been. And what parts of last year and years before have helped make us whom we are and say thank you for this. And I will never forget.
Well the decks are up the kids are singing all the Christmas songs they learnt.
And of there I am thinking if I hear that song one more time I hear little donkey this mummy going send that donkey 1st class to bethlehem. Then of course a fight breaks out over who’s song is better. And then who can sing better and the 9 year old pipes up well “I can read so I don’t have to learn every word of by heart. Then get youngest yelling back” well your old like mandated ‘m so you can.remember all the words were I’m still young” at this point I’m laughing my.head of unable to tell any child of. So what do I do. I pretend I never heard a word and that I was just to busy. Then comes the big guns come out from the 9 year old. I’m older so can phone Santa and you can’t so do as your told or I call him. Now go ask mummy if we can.have are count down calender or I call him. Ok so that moment I did step in and say enough no calling Santa. It is funny when they have these strange little one ups that turn out to be what you don’t think.there about .
Christmas is coming and along with all the Happiness joy laughter presents and cheer comes other things. Now as every one knows I have two sons. They are so funny and make each day intresting and new. Earlier this week my youngest son came into my room laid his little head on my lap. His big blue eyes looking deep into my soul I knew he was going to break my heart so to speak. In he’s most sorrowful voice he spoke. “Mumy I’ve just not got any Christmas spirit this year I’m just not feeling it this year mummy.we need to do something about this as I’m five I need Christmas spirit Or I might go crazy. It was so sweet I tried my hardest not to laugh at him or cry as it was funny and sad at the same time. But made me think what gives us chistmas spirit..is it joy on a child’s face. Is it celebrating family and friends or the birth of God’s only child. What I enjoy the most is seeing joy not just on my son’s face. Also I enjoy seeing the look on family and faces when I give them a really thought full present .
Christmas means me any things to many people. To me it means showing you care by doing Something or giving them a meaning full gift maybe something they really wanted but could not buy for some reason. To overs it’s celebrating birth of God’s only son.
Ok so the you thunders bloop and katty kids rhyme box asked nicely as I watch it with my youngest child could I review them So here it gos.
One I first ever watched with my son was old mcdonald. I love the fact that it is bright but not overwhelming which is hard to achieve. And having a child that has extra needs makes it hard sometimes watch things on you tube or any thing as these programs can make little mistakes for those with extra needs. And if something is to bright or to loud it will have to be turned of straight away. But luckily I found that all the bloop and katty vids were never to bright and were pitch perfect. Which meant that never had to turn a y of the vids of.my son and myself enjoyed the twists to old ryhms like the dancing horse in old McDonald’s farm. All vids are entertaining for both children and for once the grown ups as well which us parents need some times . Only so.much paw patrol you can take. I hope many more people enjoy them as much as we did .
Recently I have been hearing from a lot of parents about things teachers have said and done. There are ways to push a difficult child to help them get on the right track. But I’ve. Heard of teachers calling there pupils lazy ,self centered, selfish,. I feel that schools are telling pupils to use kind words to each and not hurt each other’s feelings. But is that not what they are doing by using such words. So should they not set an.example for there pupils. And maybe use the right words and actions to push the child on to the right track . Where should teachers draw the line and what shouldn’t they say? What should they do Instead?.
When you bring this tiny baby home we have the answers to start with they cry could be feed cuddle nappy change. Then as they get older the tears get less but my gosh the answers get harder to find. So what can you do with the real hard questions. Like when your 9 year old refuses to do his home work. Which is normal for a 9 year old yes but his reasoning for not doing it is very credible. See in his home work is two write about whom he is now and who he wants to be. My oldest can be very blunt when it comes to his views He told me that how.can.he.right something so deep about himself when he is only 9 and don’t know himself yet who he is and who he wants to be. What could you say to him ,how could I reason with him when I understand what he means 100 present. There needs to be a book that tells you what to say to any of these questions.
You ever feel so lost and alone in dark and empty disappear . You can see all the smiling faces but don’t feel connected. What dos it mean that you are alone that you lost your self knollege.